The Corruption of Innocence
Lotus Rose
Published by Lotus Rose at Smashwords
This book is available in print at amazon.com & bn.com
Copyright © 2007 by Lotus Rose
Discover other titles by Lotus Rose at loteyrose.com
Also by Lotus Rose~ MachoPoni: A Prance with Death, SinEaster, Faerie Brace-Face, The Redemption of Reckoning
And bring you dark dreams and soft sighs?
Or shall I be like the rose is,
Sweet-scented and tempting your eyes?
For the unending sleep can seduce you,
To the world behind unseeing eyes.
And the beauty that beckons, then cuts you,
Is also the cruelest of lies.
BOOK I
Innocence
O, tender child of wide-eyed wonder,
With untouched rose not yet torn asunder.
You’re born flat-chested, small, and hairless,
You’re innocent, naive, meek, and careless.
And the adult’s knowledge for which you yearn,
Is something that they forbid you to learn,
Allowing you only the childhood cares
Of innocent games and teddy bears.
But still the secret garden grows,
The lotus, the violet, and the rose,
With tender buds hidden from sight,
Lest they be crushed by adults’ might.
And at night upon your virgin bed,
The lotus dreams run through your head,
And beckon you with gentle eyes,
To a world of tenderness and sighs.
You grab the teddy, you hold it tight,
Your innocent body trembles in fright,
And you promise that you will never give in
To the adult’s world of corruption and sin.
But nestling there in the back of your mind,
Is a curiosity, and a pleasure of a kind
Like the lotus’s all-engulfing rush,
As you feel yourself shudder at the rose’s first blush.
Chapter 1
Daddy’s Secret
Daddy had been wearing a hat for about a week, and Mary didn’t know why.
Every time she’d asked, he had smiled and said, “My little secret.”
So when she saw him lying on the couch, taking a nap, she wondered if she could remove it without waking him.
Daddy took a lot of naps lately, but she always left him alone. There were a lot of things that little girls were just not supposed to know.
But she really really wanted to know.
She thought that if she was real quiet and real careful, she could look without waking him.
She tested him. “Daddy?” she asked, but he didn’t reply.
She held her teddy bear tight in her arm—it made her feel safe.
She crept as quietly as she could on tippy-toes and peered at his face, but nothing on it moved. Daddy had a handsome face, she thought.
It didn’t look like he was going to wake up, so slowly, slowly, she brought her hands to the brim of the cap and slowly, slowly, she started to pull it off.…
She looked.
The top of Daddy’s head was caved in—punched in, like with a fist, a jumbled mass of hair and jagged bone, of rotten flesh shriveled and torn.
Before she could scream, Daddy opened his eyes and grinned and said, “So what do you think?”
“You’re hurt, Daddy,” she said, the tears starting now.
“I’m not Daddy,” he replied, smiling like Daddy never did, smiling in a bad way.
“Daddy, you’re scaring me.”
“I said I’m not Daddy,” he said, sitting up. He looked mean.
Mary was starting to get really really scared now. “Stop,” she whimpered.
“I’m glad you finally looked. You have to look before I can reveal myself.” Mary was shaking her head slightly. She didn’t understand. Daddy put on his stern voice. “I must say, honey, that I was getting a little tired of waiting, but I’m glad I did; that expression on your face right now is precious.” He pinched her cheek. “Quite worth pretending to sleep all those times.”
Mary couldn’t speak.
Daddy’s smile widened. “Remember that night when you were scared of the monster under the bed and you asked me to come in and look under it to make sure he wasn’t there?”
Mary nodded stiffly. She was so scared. She held her teddy tightly to her chest.
“Remember when I bumped my head?” Daddy asked.
Mary nodded again. It sent tears rolling down her cheek and dripping onto the top of her teddy’s head.
Daddy grinned, looking her over.
He brought his hand up and pointed to his head. “I’m the monster under the bed.”
“Daddy don’t,” she whispered, still not wanting to believe.
“I’m not Daddy,” he replied as he began to run his hand through her hair.
She looked up into his eyes.
“Are you going to hurt me?”
He shook his head. “Of course not. I love you. I only wanted to be closer to you. You have such beautiful violet-colored hair.…”
Mary smiled timidly.
“Every night I could taste your dreams. You were calling to me.… You’re my little princess. You’re my little angel. Now give Daddy a hug.”
Chapter 2
Mary’s Adventures Through the Looking Glass
“Hrrmpph!” Mary exclaimed, then pouted in the mirror. “I wish I could grow up faster,” she mumbled to herself.
There would be no more curfews, no more stupid rules, no more dumb bois acting like dumb bois.
And, Mary thought, she would be so beautiful and grown-up, like other grown-up girls.
Of course, her little-girl body was nice for so many things. She was taller than a lot of bois, and she could run faster than a lot of them too. But she wasn’t as pretty as a grown-up girl, because she didn’t have certain … things.
She wished she could be as pretty as Tyria. Tyria was definitely the most beautiful supermodel in the entire world.
But how could she ever be as pretty as Tyria? She pouted.
She turned and looked at her bottom. It was flat. She wished she could have a big booty to make all the bois’ heads turn. She turned and looked at her chest. It was flat. There were no double D’s, only negative A’s. She pouted.
But she had beautiful violet hair. Some of the other girls made fun of her for it, but she knew they were just jealous because she was different and got attention. She shook her hair in the mirror in the supermodel way, the way Tyria did. She pouted like a supermodel.
Then as she looked in the mirror some more, it suddenly became kind of shimmery, kind of like water, and over her face, it was like there was another pair of eyes. A boi’s. A boi with pretty pretty green eyes. They were so pretty her jaw dropped. And that’s all there was. They were eyes without a face.
Then the boi said, “Dreams and lies reside in your eyes. If you try to see them, I won’t ask you why.”
“That’s dumb,” she said, and scowled.
But even though the boi seemed like he was about to say something, he didn’t, but merely disappeared.
Then she exclaimed, “Heyyoucomeback! Do you live in the mirror or something?”
“Who me?”
“Yes, you.” She rolled her eyes.
“Yep,” is all he said, and for a moment she was mesmerized by his eyes again.
“You have beautiful eyes,” she said matter-of-factly, and indeed he did.
He had eyes like the wind, softly caressing your face. He had eyes like super-sized marshmallows, holding your body above the clouds.
She scrunched up her face and studied the boi-who-was-just-eyes for a moment. “Do you live in that mirror?” she asked him.
“Sometimes,” he replied.
Now Mary was trying very hard to be polite, despite the fact that the eye-boi had dropped in without an invitation and without a warning. “So how do you like it in the mirror?” she asked.
“I like it fine, except for the fact that sometimes things can seem a little backwards, but is that so much worse than the way things really are?”
“Backwards?”
“Surely you know how in a mirror, left is right and text is backwards?”
“Harummph! My name is Marrrryyyy!” She rolled her eyes. “Not Shirrrlleyy.” She giggled.
Now the boi-who-was-just-eyes rolled his eyes, which was quite a sight to see, seeing as how he was just eyes, after all. “Ah ha ha. Very funny.”
“And what is your name?” she asked him.
“Oh, nevermind that. Why don’t you come into the mirror? There are many adventures to be had, once you come inside.…”
“Maybe I will, but wait.…”
“Yes?”
Now Mary was still a little girl after all, and sometimes, things she wanted to say were very hard to say, indeed. But she tried. “I saw a thing, about, in the mirror. With a word backwards.…” She looked frustrated in trying to make her meaning clear.
“What are you talking about, Mary?”
“Red rum,” she said.
The boi-who-was-just-eyes arched a brow.
“Come on, I will show you.” She grabbed her sketch pad off the floor, and her charcoal pencil, and on the paper, she wrote:
REDRUM
She held it up for the boi-who-was-just-eyes to see.
He looked. “Why, it says MURDER!” He arched his brow. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
Mary just giggled. “It did work!” She looked mightily pleased.
The boi-who-was-just-eyes looked relieved. “Oh, I see now. You had written ‘Redrum.’ Well let me ask you a question: do you know a Tina?”
Mary scrunched up her face and thought. “Hmmm, ummmm, yeahhh, I know a Tina in my school but we’re not very close … why?”
“Oh, just curious. Why don’t you write this one down, ‘Tina, love you a ton,’ except spell it like this:
TINA, LUV U A TON
Mary wrote it down underneath the word, REDRUM, and stood staring at it.
The boi said, “Now, hold it up to the mirror and read it.…”
Mary held it up. In the mirror the letters turned backward and she struggled for a moment to read, sounding out the letters.… “Not a u vul anit … not a uvula nit!” She giggled. Then she giggled some more, so much that she had a hard time standing and holding the pencil and paper and giggling at the same time. “That’s soooooooo funny! And I know what a uvula is, too!” and she pointed at hers.
The boi laughed
She smirked. “But I don’t love Tina a ton. She’s too weird.”
“Picky picky,” said the boi.
She pouted. “Though I wish I could love someone. What I want most in the whole wide world is love.” Her pout grew more severe.
“Give it time,” the boi said gently.
The boi curiously eyed her shirt.
“What?” said Mary. “You like my snow lemon shirt? It’s the best brand, definitely. They’re really expensive, but my daddy buys them for me because he loves me.” She looked down at her chest. The front of her shirt was boldly emblazoned with the brand name,
SNOLEMON
The boi seemed embarrassed, going, “Hmmm.…” as if he wanted to say something, but was too embarrassed. “That’s not what it says to me.…”
But Mary had started babbling and was getting quite carried away explaining all about her favorite name brand. “Wanna know why they call it snow lemon?” She babbled on, “Wanna know why for? I’ll tell you why.…”—the boi said, “but”—“.… well they’re clothes for the winter. Have you seen the commercials? …”—the boi said, “that’s”—“.… Well anyway, you might not have seen the commercials if you spend all your time in the mirror. But anyway, you didn’t say if you’d seen the commercial.…”—the boi said, “I”—“.… Well, I’ll tell you how the commercials go. They go, ‘When the world hands you lemons, you make yellow snow.’ Then the girl in the commercial squeezes the lemon into a snow cone … get it? Yellow snow. Isn’t that so very funny?”—the boi stammered, “Yes.”
“Yes, what? Don’t you have anything to add to the conversation?”
“But that’s not what it says to me.…”
“Hmm?” and she pouted cutely in confusion.
“Nevermind. Hey now, I have another phrase. Look at this one in the mirror: NO PARTS LIVE ON, oooh and try this one, SKIRT PIN.”
Mary merely pouted and went, “Puhhhhhh. I’m tired of this game. You said I could come into the mirror with you?”
“Yes, normally you wouldn’t be able to, because there is a line in the mirror, but the lines are blurring. The distinction between dreams and reality are becoming less clear.”
“Oh? Is that so? Well I’m really curious as to what goes on in there. Can I jump in?”
“Definitely.”
So, Mary stood up, straight and tall, and pretended to be a high diver. Slowly she drew her hands up. She shifted up and down on her tippy toes. “Here I go,” she said, then she jumped, up, curling into a ball, tumbling over and over and slammed into the mirror.
Then, whump, she landed on her feet. She looked around, and saw, sprawling before her
~*the lettuce-green road*~
She turned her head to the right, and there, floating in the air, was the boi-who-was-just-eyes, and he was still just a pair of green eyes.
“Hello,” she said, and grinned.
“Hiya,” he replied back.
She scrunched her mouth up, looking at the long road before her, made entirely of green lettuce leaves, the road went on and on and disappeared underneath the blue and cloudy sky. “What’s the deal?” she blurted out.
“I have a secret.”
“Oh, I like sharing secrets. Wanna know one of mine? I’ve seen a naked boi before.…”
“Well, er, my secret is that I brought you in here because the looking-glass world needs your help.”
“It does? But how would I help? I’m just a little girl.”
“But you’re a special girl. You’re Mary. You have violet hair.”
Mary nodded slowly but she didn’t really understand. “Ohhhhhhh.…”
“Just believe me. You’re special.”
“Ohhhhh. Okay.”
“It’s just that, you see, the Queen has stolen all the flowers of innocence, and only you can recover them, because well, you’re innocent.”
“I am?” She looked up at the boi with big, innocent eyes.
He stared back into her eyes and she started to feel tingly all over. He had such pretty eyes. “Your eyes are brown,” he said.
“Yes, they are. Big and brown.” And she batted her eyes so cutely.
“Well, if they were violet, they would match your hair.…”
Mary thought about that for a moment. “Hey, ya!”
“Well, if you’d like, if you help us, I can turn your eyes violet.”
“I’d really like that! So the Queen stole the flowers?”
“Yes.”
“And they don’t belong to her. Are the people sad?”
“Yes, they miss their flowers.”
“Well why did she do something so mean like that?”
“Well, see the Queen was jealous because the blush was no longer on her rose, so she didn’t want anyone else to enjoy their flowers and so she engaged in a massive deflowering of the kingdom.”
Mary pouted while she thought that over. “Ohhh, well, okay. I will help you, then. That sort of behavior is unacceptable.” She nodded.
“That’s greatly appreciated. And I think you will be successful, too.”
Then on her right side, a sad man’s voice chimed in, “I hope so.”
Now Mary had no idea that anyone else was listening in on her conversation, so she turned her head to the right to see who was speaking. Instinctively, she raised her head to look up, because the voice had been an adult voice and adults were almost always taller than her.
But all she saw were clouds.
The voiced sighed miserably. “No, down here.”
She looked down, and there, resting on the ground on the edge of the lettuce-green road, was a decapitated head.
Her eyes went big and she drew back. “Oh!” she exclaimed. Underneath her feet, lettuce leaves made crunching noises.
The head’s eyes went big as well in response, and no doubt, if he had a body, he would have drawn back as well. “I’m sorry to have startled you, giantess,” said the head.
“Giantess.” Her eyes rolled up and she squinted one eye as she thought about that. “Oh, you mean a female giant. Oh, well I’m not a female giant, you see. I’m just a little girl.”
The head arched its brow as if in disbelief. “Well, whoever you are, I hope you get that stupid Queen.” And he sighed miserably. “By the way, have you seen my head? She decapitated me and I lost my head.…”
Now Mary definitely felt bad for the poor guy and certainly didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She looked at the eye-boi for some help, but he wasn’t any. She sat thinking for a moment, trying to think exactly how to tell him. “Errrrrr … well you see.…”
“Yes?”
“You haven’t lost your head.…”
The head rolled his eyes around. “But I don’t see it anywhere.”
“No, you’ve lost your body. Why, when I look at you, all I see is your head.”
The head thought for a moment. “Interesting.”
Mary’s face suddenly lit up as she was struck with a brilliant idea. “Why I’ll bet you that if you cross your eyes, you’ll be able to see your nose! That ought to prove it to you!”
“How much do you want to bet?”
“It was just a figure of speech!”
The head smirked. “So you’re backing out?”
Now Mary was embarrassed, because she certainly didn’t enjoy leading people on. Her chin lowered and she pouted. “No, um, how about a quarter?”
The head thought for a moment. “Well, that’s problematic, because, if it’s true that I have lost my body, well then all my money is on my body. I’m afraid I must renege on our bet.”
Mary looked flustered. “Um, er, okay.”
“I’m sorry. Normally I would have thought things through much better. Two heads are better than one after all.…”
Mary was confused, but she nodded. Her philosophy was, if you don’t understand something, it’s best to just nod.
Mary crossed her arms, tapped her feet impatiently and gave the head a look. “So are you gonna do it or what?”
The head’s eyes merely stared blankly into space.
Mary stared at the head and made a face of annoyance. “Hey now.…” she said.
The head merely stared blankly ahead and the eyes looked a little glazed.
“Hey! … Now!” She tapped the head lightly with her foot.
She noticed that when she tapped him in the eye, he didn’t even blink.
“Hey! I’m talking to you!” Then she picked the head up and started shaking it.
The head started screaming. “Ahhhhhh!!! Why?”
“You stopped talking.”
“Oh. Sorry. I suffered a lot of blood loss when I was beheaded. I zone out sometimes.”
“So you gonna do it or what?”
“Oh, yeah. Here I go.” And the head crossed his eyes.
It looked pretty funny, which made Mary giggle.
The head said, “Well whaddya know! It’s my nose!”
Mary rolled her eyes. “Yes, just like I said.”
“Ah, so you were right. So what are you up to?”
“Well, I’m going to follow the lettuce-green road until I get to the Garden of Innocence, then I’m gonna help the kingdom get their flowers back, right?” She looked at the boi-who-was-just-eyes.
“Right,” he said.
The decapitated head said, “Can you take me too? I’d like to have a word with that Queen, and maybe I can find my body and my girlfriend somewhere.”
“Um, okay, I’ll take you. I’m sorry you got beheaded, by the way.”
“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”
Then suddenly, to her left a female voice said, “Hey, can I come too?”
Mary turned her head to look, but this time, she decided to look down, instead of up.
There, outside the edge of the lettuce-green road, was a head of lettuce.
“Hello, head of lettuce.”
“Hello, little girl. Can I go with you to the Garden of Innocence?”
“Um, I guess I can carry you in my other hand. How come you didn’t say anything before, though?”
“Well, I didn’t realize I could talk before,” the head of lettuce said as Mary picked it up, and the decapitated head chimed in, “Two! Two heads are better than one!”
Then Mary exclaimed, “Ewwwww! Head of lettuce, you’re all wet!”
The head of lettuce seemed embarrassed when it replied, “I’m sorry. I’m a little excitable, and err, it just happens.”
And Mary was going, “Phwaaa! Wet wet wet!”
She tried to jostle the lettuce dry. She shook it.
Shake.
Shake.
Shake shake twisty twisty.
She nodded. “Better. Now come on you two, let’s go. I’m eager to get on with my adventures!”
And she started hopping and skipping down the lettuce-green road, as all kinds of crunching noises went on underneath her shoes and, even though she knew it was kind of dumb and childish, she was actually singing, “Tra la la. Tra la la la.”
The head of lettuce and the decapitated head even joined in, but the boi-who-was-just-eyes merely arched his brow.
And Mary swung her arms wide as the head of lettuce flicked dew and the decapitated head dripped blood.
“Tra la la la. Tra la la!”
And after a while of doing this, she found she had come upon
~*a cucumber and two melons*~
Her tra la la’ing was interrupted by her coming upon a cucumber and two melons lying in her path on the lettuce-green road.
“Whoa!” she exclaimed.
The cucumber said to her in a male voice, “Hey little girl.”
In stereo of a female voice, the melons said, “Hello young lady.” They sounded really sad and about to break down into tears.
“Hello cucumber and melons,” said Mary.
“How’s it going?” said the decapitated head.
“Hiya,” said the boi-who-was-just-eyes.
“Hey,” said the head of lettuce.
There was an awkward silence.
“Well,” Mary said. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m on my way to the Garden of Innocence to return the stolen flowers to the kingdom.…”
“Phooey,” said the cucumber.
The melons started to cry.
“What’s the deal?” said Mary.
The cucumber said, “Well, we aren’t allowed in the Garden of Innocence. The Queen kicked us out.”
The melons bawled out loudly and went, “Uh huh, uh huh.”
“Kicked out? Why did she do that?” Mary asked. She pouted a little because she was starting to feel sorry for the poor melons.
The melons said, “Me and my twin sister aren’t as pretty and sweet-smelling as the flowers, so we aren’t allowed in the Garden of Innocence.” And then the melons commenced crying again.
“Yeah,” said the cucumber, “I hope she takes those flowers and sticks them up her—”
“Well!” exclaimed Mary. “That’s very discriminatory! The Queen doesn’t sound very nice at all!”
“Yeah, I got kicked out of the garden too,” said the head of lettuce.
“And she beheaded me,” said the decapitated head.
The melons were still crying, so, Mary asked them, “Are you okay?”
“We’re so sad,” said the melons. “We just want to be held.”
The cucumber shouted, “Will you quit your incessant crying? I don’t need to be held. I need a nice, warm—”
“Hey cucumber! Please don’t be so rude!” shouted Mary.
The head of lettuce said, “Hey, cucumber, you’re a real bad boi, aren’t you? You got a girlfriend?”
Mary said, “I wish I could hold you, melons, but my hands are full right now.”
Cucumber said, “Little girl, you gotta sneak us into the Garden of Innocence.”
Now Mary felt confident that she had quite a legitimate excuse. “I’m sorry, but my hands are full, and I can’t carry you all.”
“Don’t you have pockets?” asked the cucumber.
“Actually, no, my pants don’t have any pockets … and I’d have to take the melons too. They seem so sad. I can’t just leave them.”
Then Mary looked lost in thought.
The cucumber angrily exclaimed, “Well, you can take that excuse and stick it up your—”
Mary half-mumbled, “I suppose I could stick the melons under my shirt and carry them that way.…”
“And,” the cucumber eagerly said, “you can carry me in the front of your pants, since you don’t have pockets. Come on, you gotta sneak us in.”
Mary huffed in indignation. “Sneak you in? Cucumber, you seem quite rude. I think you’re just a bad boi. Why should I take you to the garden?”
“Because I love you,” said the cucumber, and he sounded quite sincere.
“Hey!” shouted the head of lettuce, turning green with envy.
“You’re just saying that to get into my pants,” Mary said.
“That’s not true, baby.”
“Don’t toy with me, cucumber. Because what I want most in the whole wide world, is love. Don’t break my heart.”
“But honestly, I’m in love with you,” said the cucumber.
“Hmmm,” said Mary, “What do you think, eye-boi? Is he telling the truth?”
“Lying,” said the eyes.
“Decapitated head? Is he lying?”
The head had zoned out again, so it didn’t say anything.
“Lettuce?”
“He doesn’t love you! He loves me! You stay away from my man!”
“Melons?”
The melons only started crying. “We’ve been … together. But all he told was lies.”
She looked at the cucumber with an accusing glare.
“Okay, so I admit it. I don’t really believe in love. I’m just a bad boi. But hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t all just have some fun … together. Whaddya say, baby? Hey, I feel like reciting a poem.…”
And the cucumber started reciting this poem:
the salad tossing ballad
Oh, how shall I win and woo you?
With a sappy, gentle love ballad?
With whispers of roses and dew?
Well, something more useful is salad.
Can words or can love cure your hunger?
Can you get nutrition from a ballad?
We’re lettuce, melon and cucumber.
Forget love and just toss a salad.
Love will hurt and sting you.
And the heart is tricked by a ballad.
But veggies will never betray you.
Forget love and just toss a salad.
Mary’s eyes were looking mightily wet and she blinked rapidly with the overwhelming emotion. “My, that was a beautiful poem, cucumber! Now I want to toss a salad!”
“Well, stick with me, baby,” said the cucumber.
“You know what, cucumber? I think I will take you guys. I think you’re not such the bad boi you pretend to be, and besides, you’re just a cucumber. How could you possibly hurt me?”
So Mary set the head of lettuce and the decapitated head down for a moment. Then she stuck the cucumber down the front of her pants. Then she stuck the two melons underneath her shirt and tied her shirt to hold them in place on her chest. Then she kneeled and picked up the two heads again.
And she continued on down the lettuce-green road, singing, “tra la la, tra la la.” And the two heads, and the cucumber and the melons sang along as the eye-boi watched.
And after a while, she found she had come upon
~*the lonely siamese twin*~
“Oh!” Mary exclaimed. For, there standing in front of her on the road was a very very lonely looking siamese twin, with four legs, and two arms—the two bodies were connected side by side through the chest—and on the shoulders was a very sad looking female head … and a stump of a neck.
The decapitated head exclaimed, “Jamie!”
And the female siamese twin exclaimed back, “Jamie!”
“We missed each other sooooooooo much!” they both said.
The cucumber sarcastically said, “I take it, you two know each other?”
“Yes,” said Jamie. “We loved each other so much, that we sewed ourselves together!”
The melons said, “I can’t see! I can’t see!”
“I want to get back together with you,” Jamie said to Jamie, then Jamie pulled out a needle and thread.
Then Jamie looked at Mary and said, “You see how wonderful love is? See how wonderful it is to be so connected with another person, that you can’t stand to be apart? Ah, love, glorious love!”
Then Jamie started dancing and both heads began singing this song:
the siamese twins song
Don’t need a cucumber to fill the hole, hole
In your heart that you have cuz of no love
for your soul, soul.
Come on now and join in the fun!
Two heads, two heads are better than one, one!
And lettuce leaves, lettuce leaves,
so nice and wet, wet
Cannot replace that love feeling you get, get.
Come on now, shake that lettuce with speed!
Lettuce heads, lettuce heads ain’t
what you need, need!
Don’t be a melonhead! Come on, let’s go!
Get your thread and needle and learn to sew, sew!
Cuz this fear of love has got to go, go!
Two heads, two heads are better, you know, know!
Mary had been gleefully swaying her head as she listened to the song. “Yayyyy! What a lovely song!”
“Hrmmpph,” said the cucumber. “Derivative.”
The melons said, “I’m not sure if I like it or not.”
The head of lettuce said, “I don’t get it.”
The eye-boi merely watched.
“Now tell me, little girl, can you sew?” said Jamie.
“Hmmm.…” Mary thought for a moment. “So-so.”
“What?”
“So-so.”
“Ohhhhh, you mean you sew so-so.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.” She rolled her eyes.
“Well, would you mind sewing us back together. We’d really appreciate it.”
“So you want me to sew, even though I only sew so-so?”
“Yes, please. We can always fix any mistakes later.”
“Okay,” said Mary, and she sewed the decapitated head back onto the stump of a neck.
The formerly-decapitated head grinned, then the heads turned and kissed. “Back together again!” they exclaimed.
It was such a beautiful sight, that Mary very nearly cried, but the trembling tear in her eye merely trembled without falling. “Come on!” she said, “We still have to get to the Garden of Innocence and get the kingdom’s flowers back!”
After a while of walking, they all came upon
~*the briarbush of rose thorns*~
Everyone gasped, for blocking their way on the lettuce-green road was a large mass of green vines with thorns. The mass shifted and writhed like snakes.
And in front of this mass was a wooden sign, pounded into the ground.
Mary stooped to read, because there were some words written on the sign:
The crown of our life as it closes,
Is darkness, the fruit thereof dust.
No thorns go as deep as a rose’s.
And love is more cruel than lust.
—Algernon Swinburne
She straightened up. “Hmmm. What’s the deal here?”
The boi-who-was-just-eyes said, “They are the thorns of the roses in the Garden of Innocence. The Queen had them removed and put here to block the entrance.”
Mary pouted. “So our adventure is over?”
“No. That’s why you’re here. Only those who are most innocent can go through the briarbush.”
Mary thought for a moment. “You mean there is something other than innocence?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” She screwed up her mouth. “Well, what is it?”
“Knowledge.”
“Knowledge of what?”
At this point, the siamese twins interrupted. “Well, the little girl is innocent, but how would we get through?”
“Well if you touch her while she goes through, her innocence will protect you. And I, myself, can’t be harmed. I’m just a pair of floating eyes.”
“Well what are we waiting for?” said Mary. “I feel like I’ve been walking forever to see this Garden of Innocence, so take my hand, siamese twins, and let’s go!”
“It’s about time,” muttered the cucumber.
“I can’t see!” said the melons.
The head of lettuce said, “Ooh. I hope those thorns don’t shred me.”
The twins took Mary’s hand and with a look of utter determination, Mary led the way, holding one hand defiantly in front of her.
And what happened next was a magical thing, for the vines parted to let her through. The creaky noises they made were scary and they still writhed like snakes, but they did not touch her.
But then Mary exclaimed, “Ow!” and her shirt made a ripping sound. One of the thorns had cut her arm. “Hey!” There were more shredding noises as more thorns cut and shred her clothes and scraped her skin. And everyone else started exclaiming in pain as well, except for the eye-boi that is.
“Guess you’re not so innocent after all,” said the cucumber.
“Hurry!” said the eye-boi. “They’re only flesh wounds. Her innocence is protecting you, but you must hurry!”
“You don’t have to tell us twice,” said Jamie, then the siamese twins picked Mary up in their arms and started running.
“Ouch! Owwww!!! AHH!!” they all exclaimed, and then suddenly they found they had made it through and were now standing in
~*The Garden of Innocence*~
The siamese twins set her down. Mary dropped the head of lettuce because it was shredded and dead, then her jaw dropped as she gazed out at the most glorious spectacle she had ever seen her entire life.
Then she exclaimed, “Oh!” and her head snapped down on her body and she grabbed the melons, because her clothes had been ripped and torn and the melons were almost falling out of her shirt. She also had to shift her position of standing into some weird-looking one, because she was also having a hard time keeping the cucumber in her pants.
Then she looked out again at the glorious sight before her, and went “Ooooohhhh!”
It was like a garden of eternal Spring, filled with flowers freshly budded and with new blossoms, with thornless rose bushes, brilliant red, fragrant flowers of glorious colors and there even ran a gentle stream, clear as crystal, and all about, a hundred naked nymphs were dancing and playing and swimming in delight, their giggling filling the air, as, on a throne, sat the Queen, holding in her hand a 40 ounce bottle marked, “nectar,” and by her side stood a masked executioner with an axe in his hand.
The Queen sat and looked about with an amused and somewhat inebriated expression. Then she noticed Mary and everyone else.
She turned crimson with fury, and pointing at them, shouted, “Intruders! How dare you come into my garden. And how dare you bring those twins and lettuce, and of all things a cucumber into the Garden of Innocence! It’s a travesty!”
Then she turned to the executioner at her side and exclaimed, “Off with their heads!” The executioner started walking towards them. All the nymphs stopped frolicking and gasped and watched.
The siamese twins shook their heads, “Oh, no! Not again!”
The boi-who-was-just-eyes said, “Mary, you must use your power of innocence to fight them. Hurry, you must think only innocent thoughts!”
“Uh, okay,” said Mary.
The Queen turned even redder, and pointing at the boi-who-was-just-eyes, shouted, “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
Mary rolled her eyes and said, “He has no head. He’s all eyes.”
The Queen scowled and said, “I hate guys who are all eyes.”
“It’s better than guys who are all hands.”
“Perhaps. But they can’t be beheaded either.”
“And my daddy told me there are some guys who have their heads in their—”
“Innocent thoughts!” exclaimed eye-boi.
“Oh, right,” said Mary, and she closed her eyes and thought hard about playing with puppies. She thought about petting puppies and warm puppy breath.…
“It’s working!” exclaimed the eye-boi,
as the Queen groaned and said, “I don’t feel so good. I gotta get out of here.”
.… and Mary thought about playing catch with puppies and wrestling with puppies.…
as she heard the Queen shriek and say, “I can’t stand it anymore! I have to get out of here! Everyone can have their flowers back, but I’m taking this rose. It still has its blush on it.”
.… then Mary started thinking about the video her brother (who wanted to be a frat-boi someday) had shown her once, and what the lady had been doing with the dog.…
“Oh no!” exclaimed the siamese twins, “It’s not working!”
Mary’s eyes popped open and she watched as the executioner advanced.
Mary stuck her hand underneath her shirt. “Well, fuck this bullshit.…” And she pulled out a screaming melon and threw it at the Queen. It smashed right into the Queen’s face and she slumped in her throne. Mary stuck her hand underneath her shirt again and threw the other sobbing and screaming melon, which smashed into the Queen’s bloody, mashed face. Then Mary ran and snatched the axe out of the executioner’s hand, and ran over to the Queen and with one swing, chopped through her neck and beheaded her.
She picked up the Queen’s head by the hair and held it up and proclaimed, “Behold! The Queen is dead!”
There was a moment of silence, then everyone cheered and started dancing. Even the executioner was dancing with a couple of nymphs.
“Congratulations,” said the eye-boi. “You’ve saved the kingdom. Now everyone can get their flowers back!”
“Thank you,” Mary replied, then she turned to watch the siamese twins kissing and hugging. She pouted. “They are so in love. I wish I could find love.”
“Love, phooey,” said the cucumber, who had dropped onto the ground at some point.
The eye-boi looked deeply into Mary’s eyes, and she felt a shudder go through her body. He said, “You may not know this, but I love you already. I always have and always will. There is a love that comes in the night, in your dreams. I will always be with you. Know that you always have love.”
And then he stared into her eyes, and she knew what he said was true. Then everything started getting shimmery, then dark.
And when she looked around again, she realized she was in her room again, lying in her bed.
Had it all been a dream? She reached over and turned the lamp on.
She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light. She got up and looked in the mirror.
She looked into her beautiful, sparkling violet eyes.
She noticed her sketch pad lying on the floor by her pencil. She bent and picked them up. On the sketch pad were the words REDRUM and underneath that, TINA, LUV U A TON.
She smiled softly, thinking about all that had happened.
Then, underneath those words she wrote the words,
I HAV LUV
Chapter 3
Family
This family.
This family.
We all need each other. All connected by our symbolic umbilical cords.
And intertwined.
We all need each other, but I don’t know why.
FATHER
Whenever I see my Dad lately, I see a very small child in a man’s body.…
As usual at this time of the day, he’s sitting in front of the TV when I walk in. He turns and glares at me. “Look at you. You look like an idiot.”
“Yeah, I just want to go to my room.”
“Why don’t you change into a nice shirt? Do you think I enjoy having a son who’s a freak?”
“I hope not.” I know it’s escalating, but I feel the anger surging up inside of me.
“Yeah, you got a real smart mouth on you, but do you really think people are impressed with all that crap? You’re nothing but a loser, and you’ll probably always be a loser. You better straighten yourself out, or you’re gonna end up just like Paula, and the way you are now, nobody would miss you. I know I wouldn’t.”
I don’t need this. Not now. Paula just died. I don’t need this.
I want to tell him to leave Paula alone, but I know if I talk, my voice will tremble.
I’m sorry, Paula.
I feel myself shaking, try to stop. He’s glaring at me—starting another one of his staring matches. I try to stare back, but I feel my eyes welling up. I look to the glass container above the fireplace.
The fetus twitches inside the murky, brown water.
I look back into my father’s eyes, as if to say, “she’s listening.”
But he doesn’t back down. “When the baby comes, I hope she’s not as much trouble as you have been to me. You’ve never been anything to me but trouble.”
I start to walk away. I know what’s coming. Like the little kid getting his last potshot in, he says, “You’re an embarrassment.”
I walk, as calmly as I can, out of the living room, to my room. Close the door.
And you, Father, are a failure.
All you’ve managed to do is reproduce. You brought people into this world who hate you. You created people to destroy.
You try so hard to prove you’re strong. But I’ve been watching you—all the mistakes, the slipped comments, all the words and actions you didn’t realize were so revealing.… I’ve been collecting them and putting them all together. And now I can see all the weaknesses you try to hide.
Yeah, when I see my dad lately, I see a child.
Some people progress, and grow up, and some people stay in the same place, I guess.
Mother
Plumes of smoke. That’s what my Mom is about.
And a glass of red wine dangling in her hand.
I try to slip by, but she calls out to me.
I stand and wait. Whenever my mom is about to speak, I always expect either a criticism, an insult, or an order.
She sits and stares at the glass container on the mantelpiece—as she usually does, late at night. The fetus, Alicia, has been growing in that brown water for eight months, since the day we all had our blood drawn for cells to combine with one of Mom’s eggs. I often wonder if she thinks of Alicia as hers as she stares at her, because, really, she’s made up of parts of all of us.
Finally, she speaks: “Paula’s Mom called today. She thinks you killed her. She says you started her on drinking and doing drugs.”
I feel the anger rise up inside of me. “I tried to keep her from doing drugs.”
“Paula’s mom doesn’t think so. She wouldn’t stop bugging me about it. I told her you were here with us the night of Paula’s wreck, but she still wouldn’t shut up about it. That girl was out of control. It’s the parents’ responsibility to keep their children in line. I told her that, too. Paula was a no-good girl. She was no good for you.”
I feel myself trembling. “You can put me down and get away with it, but not Paula.”
She becomes real quiet, then nods. Takes a sip of her wine. I think maybe she’s going to shut up now, so I can leave.
But I’m not so lucky. “She reminds me of your sister. You gotta take care of your sister. No good man likes a tramp.”
“What do you know about good men, Mom?”
“You be quiet, your father deserves respect.”
“Yeah, he demands a lot of respect. He seems kind of insecure to me.”
“Your father works hard,” she says, slurring the words. This is what it’s like talking to my drunkard mother—not all of her responses make total sense. “Just behave yourself and he’ll leave you alone. You bring it on yourself. It’s the way you act and dress that sets him off.” Her head rolls a little. “You mustn’t embarrass this family.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.”
I don’t say anything. What’s the point of saying anything?
Mom, you betrayed me.
You brought me into this world and didn’t protect me. You brought me into this world and tried to make me hate myself.
I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you, Mom, for that betrayal.
I leave you to your damn glass.
little sis
My twin sis Jasmine—I call her “little sis.” I like my little sis. When she’s not being annoying.
She shrugs her backpack off her shoulder, sets it on the couch. Looks at me.
“What is it, Jasmine?” I ask.
“I’m going to move out.”
I blink at her for a moment. “Where are you going to go?”
“I’m moving in with Chris.”
“Chris? Why Chris?”
“Because he loves me and he said he’ll take care of me.”
“But you’ve only known him three weeks.”
“So? I love him. I can tell already that we’re right for each other. What more do I need?”
“Jasmine. You’re being foolish.”
She bites her lip. “I can’t take Dad anymore. Chris is nice to me.”
“Jasmine.…”
“I’m going to do it.”
I nod. “At least wait a while.”
“No, I’m going to do it. And I’m not waiting around for that baby to hatch either. I never wanted this family to have another baby anyway. They never asked me if I wanted to add my cells to it. They never asked me.” She’s breaking down, her shoulders trembling.
I look to the fetus in the glass, expecting it to twitch or kick or something. But it just sits there.
She doesn’t look. “I can’t take Dad anymore. I’m going.”
Dad.
You’ve hurt her, Dad.
I’ve been there on Christmas, when you didn’t give her any presents and said she was a whore. I watched you take the present she gave you and throw it in the trash.
I look at her, look into her green eyes to let her know I understand.
Underneath it all, she’s just a little girl, trying to be tough … searching desperately for someone who will love her.
I feel a sudden urge. I take her hand and hold it.
She lets me.
My little sis.
fetus
Him and Mom are arguing when I walk in. I try to slip by.
“Hey idiot! I told you to clean your damn room!”
Despite everything with Paula, and the baby and sis, I was actually happy.
But no sooner I’m in the door, he starts in on me.
I tell him alright, hope that will be it, start to walk to my room.
Not good enough.
“You’re pathetic,” he calls to my back as I walk away, then a moment later, “Just like Paula.”
I turn. And I suddenly feel everything that’s been building up inside coming out of me. “Hey the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it, Pop? Is that what your dad used to say to you? Maybe some day I’ll say it to my kid.” I giggle a little. I’ve never called him “Pop” before.
He looks shaken. “What did you say?”
I put my hands around my mouth and mock-yell at him. “Getting deaf in your old age, Pop? I said, is that what your dad used to say to you, Pop?” I feel giggles coming up inside of me. “Did he say you were pathetic? Did he say you were a loser?”
He actually winces! “I’ll teach you, you little smartass.”
I laugh at him.
He stands there, frozen, not knowing what to do.
I look at Mom, standing by the couch. I can’t stop giggling. I mock her expression, opening my eyes wide. “He works hard huh, Mom? If being an asshole was his job, he’d be making overtime.” I can’t stop laughing.
Now little sis has arrived from her room. I look to her and her face is so horrified it’s comical.
hehehehehehehehehehehe
I look back at Dad. “You’re a failure, Pop. You really think if you yell loud enough, we won’t notice?”
The rage makes his face red. Too funny.
heheheheheheheheheheheh
There’s an odd, lurking itch in my brain—shouldn’t I be worried? But I’m not.
I look to Mom. She has her arms wrapped around herself.
“You better hold yourself tight, because you sure ain’t gonna get any lovin’ from this freaky monkey.” Her reaction is too funny. “Tell me Mom, does he satisfy you … sexually?”
I look back at Dad, and say in a condescending voice, “You know, you really shouldn’t take your sexual inadequacies out on us.”
That look on his face shows too much, and I relish pouncing on the weakness. “Is that what it is? Are you impotent, Pop? Is that why you made us all go down to the clinic, because you couldn’t make love to your own wife?” I’m laughing. My dad is pathetic. Even more pathetic than me.
“You … shut up.” It’s almost a whimper.
I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I know I’ve got him good. No matter what, I’ve got him forever.
It makes me laugh even more.
He rushes at me. As I go to hit him, he grabs my wrist and the room blurs as we spin. He shoves me and I flail backward. Sharp flash of pain as my elbow scrapes into the brick wall. My head snaps backward toward the mantelpiece, the back of my head thumps the container, slides it.
I feel a sudden surge of panic. I turn, watch as it leans over the edge, then tumbles through the air and cracks and spills its brown puddle of glass and machine parts onto the floor.
I look down at the wrinkly fetus lying on its tummy in the puddle, the side of its face pressed to the floor, its arms and legs writhing, pressing into glass.
I stare at it.
I start giggling. “Run! Run!” I yell at it. I’m laughing so hard my sides are aching. “You’re freeeee!” The mound squirms. “Run, run, little fetus! You’re freeeeee! You’re freeeeee!”
Chapter 4
Babysitting Alicia
Holding little baby Alicia was the most beautiful feeling on earth. Mary sat on the living room couch, softly cradling the infant in her arms, gently rocking her. She kissed the baby’s forehead and looked into her big green eyes.
Alicia grinned back quietly, showing her dimples. It was strange to think that Mary was over ten times the age of Alicia. Alicia was 11 months old and Mary was 12 years old. Alicia was still pure and innocent while Mary was hating having to grow up.
“Who am I?” Mary asked and grinned.
“Mary!”
Mary laughed and felt a warm flush come over her whole body. Alicia had only begun saying Mary’s name earlier in the day. This was only the second day that Mary had babysat her.
Alicia was such a smart little baby. It was obvious in the way she moved, the way she looked at things. It was as if she was studying and analyzing, much more than an ordinary 11-month-old.
Alicia’s father had even said so. He felt that Alicia might even be a genius and intended to have her intelligence tested one day.
Alicia made a short cry, and Mary grabbed the bottle off of the coffee table and handed it to Alicia. Mary watched her suckling.
Briefly, she wondered what it would be like to breastfeed her, what it would be like if Alicia were her own. But it made her too sad to think about and she felt her eyes welling up.
Alicia stopped suckling, as if she could sense what Mary was thinking. She dropped the bottle then reached out as if to stroke Mary’s cheek. Mary leaned her face forward and Alicia softly caressed her with her stubby fingers, and said, “No sad.”
Mary laughed softly and rubbed her eyes. “No sad, Alicia,” she replied back. Then she sat silent for a moment, thinking what she would name Alicia if she was her baby. “Magenta,” she said and tapped Alicia’s nose with her fingertip. She’d always wanted a child named Magenta.
Alicia frowned and said, “Noooooo … Alicia.”
Mary laughed in surprise. “Oh, I’m sorry, Alicia. I forgot how smart you are. I meant no offense.”
Alicia nodded and held her arms out for the bottle again. Mary handed it to her and Alicia started suckling again.
She watched Alicia with a stupid grin on her face. This was love, sweet and pure. This was what she had been looking for all her life, the filling of the emptiness of her soul. And this was a better love than the love between a boy and a girl. She didn’t even like boys, and besides, marriage only led to divorce, just like with her own parents. No, the love she felt for Alicia was different—it was unconditional, it was innocent.
And Alicia wasn’t like any other babies. She was special. Mary had seen and held babies before, but none of them were like Alicia.
But she also knew that Alicia would be gone soon. Alicia’s parents were moving in a week. Alicia’s mother had already left and was staying in California. Her father was still working, so they’d needed someone to take care of Alicia for a few days. Mary’s father knew Alicia’s mother and that’s how this whole babysitting job had come about.
Mary shook her head. She should try to not be so attached.
But Mary wanted to pretend. She wanted to pretend Alicia was hers for her to love. She could probably even love Alicia better than her own family. She knew Alicia had an older brother named Lotus, and a sister named Jasmine, but they had both run away and no one knew where they were. Why would they run away unless it was a bad family?
She looked into Alicia’s big green eyes, and Alicia stared back and blinked. She wanted Alicia to love her back in the way only a little baby could.
“Do you love me?” Mary asked.
“No,” Alicia replied.
Mary laughed nervously, trying to cover up the sudden pain it had caused. “What?”
“No love you.”
Mary had to turn her face away. She felt as if her guts were being wrenched out. “Oh, well, I understand. Why would you love me?” And then, even though she tried not to, she felt a tear roll down her cheek.
Alicia looked sad, and said, “Sorry.”
“Don’t feel sad, Alicia. I guess love doesn’t come that easy. It’s childish to think it does. I was dumb to think you’d love me just because you’re a little baby. I mean, you’re smart, you know better than that. Maybe you’re even smarter than me.”
Then her cell phone sounded, playing the tune her brother had programmed it to play, one of her favorite songs, Rebel Pout’s, “Pincushion Messiah.” Sometimes her brother could actually do nice things. But he was mostly an asshole jock football player who wanted to be a frat-boi someday.
Mary picked up the phone and answered it, “Meow?”
“Having fun?” It was Tina, Mary’s best friend.
“Actually, I am. Alicia is so adorable. She’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh yeah? Well how long have you been there? Three hours?”
“Yeah, Alicia’s dad is working all day.”
“I know. I miss my best friend. Is this the last day?”
“No, there’s still two more days.”
“So I bet you must be pretty hungry. Is it only you in the house?”
“Well, Mr. Ronan said I could eat anything I want. I had a sandwich earlier. And yeah, it’s just me and Alicia and the cat, but Dad and Mr. Ronan call every once in a while, why?”
“Dunno. You want fries with that shake?”
“What?” Mary giggled.
“I just think you got a nice ass and I got fries for your shake.” Now Tina was giggling.
“That doesn’t even make sense. What are you talking about?”
“Oh no! There’s a serial killer at your door!” Then the doorbell rang. “Guess who?”
Mary smirked. “Someone’s come to kill the cereal? I’m not supposed to let anyone in, you know.…”
“Oh, come on. I brought burgers.”
“You can’t bribe me with burgers.”
“Yes I can. Come on, I’ll only stay fifteen minutes. My mom thinks I’m at the mall.” Now the doorbell started ringing over and over.
“Oh! You’re terrible! Okay, let me put Alicia in her crib.” Mary set the phone down, then picked Alicia up and went and set her in her crib. Then she went to the front door and opened it. Tina was there, holding a Burger Despot bag, munching on a french fry. She was wearing one of her low-cut shirts, to show off her large breasts.
“Who is it?” Mary asked and giggled.
“It’s the pincushion messiah.”
Mary started singing and Tina joined in, “Pin cushion messiah, broken diva inside ya!”
They giggled, then Tina flicked a fry at Mary.
“Hey cut it out!” Mary exclaimed. She bent to pick up the fry, then let Tina inside.
“I brought you a cheeseburger, with no onions, like you like. Wooh. It’s cool in here. It is sooooo hot out there! Austin is way too hot. Is here okay?” Tina asked, pointing at the kitchen table. Tina had moved to Texas two years ago and was always complaining about the hot summers.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Was Jeremy there?” She smiled. Jeremy was the boy that Tina had a crush on.
“Of course. Why else would I go there?” She blushed.
Mary chuckled. “So did you make any progress?”
“No, I just waved at him. They had him working in the back room.”
“Oh, okay.” Mary had unwrapped the burger and took a bite. “It’s a little cold.”
“How can it be cold when it’s a hundred degrees outside?”
“Was he cute in his hat?” She chuckled.
“Yeah,” and Tina looked shyly down. Then she started looking around. “Hey, where’s the baby? I wanna see her.”
“She’s in the bedroom. You wanna see her? She’s the cutest baby you’ve ever seen. But you gotta leave soon, okay? I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“Oh, relax, you’re not gonna get in trouble. Yeah, let’s go see her. Her name’s Alicia?”
“Yeah, Alicia”
They walked into the bedroom.
They walked over to the crib and looked down at Alicia.
Mary gazed down adoringly at little baby Alicia in her crib.
Baby Alicia looked up at them, looking from side to side at each of their faces, then broke into a huge grin and squealed and wiggled her arms and legs.
Mary felt her heart flutter. There was no doubt. Alicia was the most beautiful baby she’d ever seen her entire life.
She looked over at Tina and Tina’s jaw had gone slack as she stood dumbfounded looking at Alicia, and she had pressed her hand to her chest, above that deep chasm of cleavage, more cleavage than any 12-year-old should have—and she was holding her breath in awe.
And Mary suddenly felt a double jealousy.
She’d always been jealous of Tina’s large breasts, ever since they’d started growing five months ago. And she hated the way she always showed them off all the time. Tina only did it to get attention from bois. Really, Mary thought it showed little class, and besides, she hated it because being seen with Tina only made Mary’s flat chest look flatter. And plus, Tina was a little lopsided, but Mary never told her, because they were best friends.
But now she was not only jealous of the booby queen’s (as all the kids called her) large boobs.
Right now she was extremely jealous because of the way Tina was looking at Alicia.
“Oh my god, Mary,” Tina said. “Oh my god, she’s so beautiful.”
Mary didn’t really understand why, but she felt a sudden surge of possessiveness, of anger. She blurted out, “Okay, you’ve seen her, now it’s time to go.”