Mina Goes American
Mina was a nice kid. Swedish. And like most Europeans she spoke good English. Better grammar-wise than a lot of native-born Americans. But like most Swedes she can be a little slow on the uptake. When it came to the American way of doing things Mina didn't get it.
She came to up to me at lunch and asked me to watch her purse. I always ate lunch at my desk. So it was no sweat for me to keep an eye on it for her.
Her handbag was the size of Alaska so I could see why a tiny thing like Mina might get tired of lugging it around.
Like most Swedes she was strong for her size. I found that out this morning.
She wanted a Latte from the shop downstairs and she made me run and get it. I played coy. I asked her for some money first. As if I expected her to actually pay for her own coffee.
"Do it!" she barked as she playfully swatted my shoulder. She almost knocked me down. Especially since her hand slipped a little and accidentally connected with my face.
I saw stars.
But that kind of strength was a different kind of strength. Hefting this sack of glamour products was a different story. It required brute strength.
So I'm like, "Sure. Take a load off. I'll watch it for you."
She plopped the thing down and started walking out. Then she stopped in her tracks, kind of listening for a second, and abruptly turned looking over her shoulder and yelled back, "Come-on! Let's go! I have people waiting!"
She expected me to drop everything and carry her purse around for her. This is what I mean. Mina didn't get it. American guys do not carry purses for their women. She wasn't even my woman for that matter. Just a friend. She didn't have a clue.
It'd be a good time to teach her a thing or two about the American way of doing things.
I grabbed her purse and followed her out. Her friends will set her straight. She'll learn a little something about good old American peer pressure. When they see what she's asked of me they'll laugh to each other and make fun of her. Then she'll know.
I damn near toppled as I slung the long strap of the bag over my shoulder.
After she found out how uncool it was to have a guy hump it for her she'd just have to lighten up on cosmetics. Or do the knapsack thing. Whatever.
"You drop it, you die," she said as she cuffed me one upside the head. What a sense of humor she had! You didn't need to be smart to be funny. Thank God.
Anyway, I didn't understand why she needed cosmetics at all. She was a stunning little thing. All Swedish chicks are. It's like they traded their brains for beauty. I actually felt lucky to get to hang around her like this. Just to be able to look at her.
That's another reason I didn't protest. May as well go along for the ride and let nature take its course.
If the others got too rough on her, scolding her for being so insensitive to me, I'd step in and tell them to lay off and go easy on her. She can't help being a dumb Swede. She doesn't know any better.
Mina will probably be sorry for what she did and make it up to me somehow. Maybe she'll even give me a kiss to show how sorry she is! On the cheek! Or maybe even full on the lips- NO! She'd never do that. Mina was a nice girl. An innocent girl. A nice dumb innocent Swede.
Mina marched down the stairs in front of me clacking her 5 inch heels.
"Hurry up!" she said as she reached the landing. She gave me a swift kick in the ass as I caught up to her.
"We could've taken the elevator,” I told her.
“What’s the matter?” She teased, "Don't you like watching me walk down the stairs?"
She was flirting with me.
I always knew she was sweet on me.
She grabbed the back of my shirt shoved me forward, "Get moving!"
What a card!
We met her friends at the burger joint in the lobby of our building. They were seated and eating.
Mina gave me her order and I went to get it while she sat down. I had no problem waiting on her. I wanted to get her order. That way I wouldn't have to be there when Mina explained about me; and her friends exposed the faux pas.
From where I stood in line I saw her friends all poking each other and looking over at Mina and laughing. Just like I thought.
I brought Mina her food and stood next to the table. The only open seat was being used for the girl's handbags. There was nowhere to sit. I stood there. I was starting to feel funny.
"What's up with Lassie?" Tina asked.
"Yeah, Mina, who's the Bitch?" Martha wanted to know. Claire and Helen looked over at Mina, waiting for the answer.
"He's carrying my bag."
"We see that." Tina said. Here it comes, I thought, they are gonna tear into her. Tell her she is way out of line asking me to do such a thing. These were four of the hippest, trendiest chicks in the building. They knew the score. I felt sorry for Mina. She was gonna get dumped on.
"How long you been in the States, Mina?" Tina asked. "A year or so? Don't you know making a guy carry your bag and wait on you like this means he's your Bitch? He's your property. He's yours in every sense of the word. You own his ass."
Hmm, I hadn't expected that.
Mina looked at the others. They all nodded in agreement.
"I'll tell you one thing." Martha said. "He's somebody's Bitch. If you don't want him I'm calling dibs on his ass."
"Hold it -" I told her. They all looked up at me. I froze. I had their attention but I couldn't speak.
Martha was a big bruiser of a woman. Twice the size of Mina. And very aggressive. She looked like an amateur bodybuilder. Big and buff and tan. I didn't think she even liked guys. She always spoke in a gruff tone when she had to speak to one. Usually just to say, "Get out of my way, asshole." She looked like a million bucks in her charcoal grey pinstripe suit, and those lean beefy thighs straining against her short skirt. She was hot. But even so, the thought of her taking control of me - even jokingly - scared the hell out of me.
"Shut the fuck up, Bitch." Martha told me. I quivered.
"Goddamit, Mongo, leave some for the rest of us." Tina said, "You got every dangling dick in the place jumping through hoops for you as it is. Let us get in on the action. I wouldn't mind having the little Dweeb go down on me. But first of all, let's clear it with Mina. She prepped his ass. It's her call."
I didn't know whether to shit or go blind. Tina was a doll. I mean, Me go down on her? She wanted me to go down on her? Here I was, fantasizing about an apologetic peck on the cheek from Mina, and a tasty thing like Tina was ready to go toe-to-toe to have me eat her out. Who knew? I about fainted.
Helen and Claire nodded in agreement with Tina.
"I just called first dibs is all." Martha said. "And lay off the "Mongo" crap if you know what's go for you, Stringbean." She told Tina
"I'm shaking." Tina said. Holding her hands up and wiggling her fingers. I was starting to like her more every second.
"So, Mina, what do you think?" Tina asked. "You up for having a Bitch of your own? You ready for that? Or is he up for grabs?"
"I don't know." Mina seemed bewildered. "I wanted him to carry my bag. I didn't know it meant anything."
"It's like having a puppy." Claire said. Claire was about as dumb as Mina and but only half as pretty. Cute, definitely cute, but no Mina. "He's all yours but you're responsible for him, too."
"No talk from the peanut gallery." Martha told her. "What the hell do you know about having a submissive Bitch?"
"I read." Claire said meekly.
Martha rolled her eyes.
Helen told her, "It's a free country. We can talk too, you know."
"Bite me." Martha told her.
Helen looked hurt.
"Cool it, Kong." Tina jumped in, "If you're feeling frisky go climb the side of a building or something."
Martha looked ready to plaster Tina then she abruptly took a deep breath and held it. Then slowly let it out. "You're right." She said. "I'm sorry. It's just that you guys don't know the kind of needs I have. Claire and Mina are so tiny any little dick will do. You and Helen, slinky as you both are, can probably get by with six inches or so. But girls like me need big meat and if we can't get it we gotta compensate in some way."
"Yeah?" Tina prompted.
"Dominating works for me. Guys like this.." she points her thumb toward me. "Get me all worked up." This raises everybody's eyebrows. "Cause he's the perfect size. Not for fucking but for bouncing around. I can lift him up with one hand and swat his ass out of the air with the other. Wiry guy like him won't even get hurt. I'd go all Serena Williams on his ass." Here she imitates a tennis serve. "And he'd bounce back good as ever. I could toss him around like a rag doll. Just completely dominate his puny ass. And he'd love it too."
Tina reached over and felt my crotch for hardness. "We have WOOD!" she cheered.
They all laughed. Martha high-fived her. Helen and Claire touched knuckles with her. Getting into it. Mina seemed as stunned as I was.
"Girl, you do not know how good you've got it." Tina said to Martha. "I'd love to be big enough to knock the crap out of any guy that looked cross-eyed at me. But I feel you're pain.
"You know, Mina's a tough little monkey. You and her ought to team up and put on a show for us knocking this clown around like a crash test dummy."
"That's mean." Helen said.
"Lighten up. I'm just teasing. But you have to admit it'd be a great stress reliever. Especially for Mina. All the shit she takes from guys."
"Be nice." Claire chided.
"What are you two, the Bobbsey Twins?" Tina asked. "I'm not saying nothing that isn't common knowledge.
"I'm all for her turning the tables on those creeps." Tina went on. "She can get her revenge using this guy as proxy.”
I guess I was the only one out of the loop. I had no idea what Tina meant.
Mina turned red. "It's no so bad." She said.
"Not so bad?" Martha said. "You got guys plugging every available hole in your body like you're the latest thing in fuck technology and that's 'not so bad'? I guess you better be tough to put up with that action."
Mina started crying.
"That's enough!" Claire said. "She just doesn't understand American guys. They took advantage of her."
"Whatever!" Martha said.
"There's still hope." Tina said. "The kid's got good instincts. She prepped this Geek didn't she?"
"That's the thing." Mina said through her tears. "Guys like this I can wrap around my finger and make them do whatever I say. I have no problem treating them like shit and turning them into my personal gophers. Because that's what they are. If I say 'Jump' they Jump. And they better be quick about it.
'This Chump kept dragging his feet on the way over here and I had no problem slapping him down. When he still didn't move fast enough for me I kicked his ass across the floor. That got him going. Losers like him do what I tell them, or else.
"But those other guys. The executives. They scare me. They're so smart- not like this idiot. I feel so stupid around them. So when they give me drinks I don't feel so stupid anymore. The next thing I know they're having their way with me. Fucking me. Getting head. Sticking it up my ass. All at the same time- I feel so used!" she broke down sobbing hard.
Helen and Claire came over and started rubbing her back. Comforting her. "It's all right. It's not your fault."
"The problem is," Claire told the others, "she learned everything she knows about America from watching "Girls Gone Wild" and American reality TV."
"Why do you say that?" Martha asked.
"She told us. Mina went clubbing with Helen and me. She got a few drinks in her and right away she wanted a three-way kiss. Next thing you know she slid under the table and went down on Helen"
They all looked at Helen.
"It was cool." Helen said. "Me and Claire stopped going down on each other after college- we didn't want to turn into Lezbos or something- so it was kind of nice having a girl go down on me again, you know? She knew her way around a pussy. Not like guys. We got into it."
"Who's 'we' ?" Tina asked. "You and Mina?"
"Me too." Claire told her. "I let her go down on me at the table and later Helen and I double teamed Mina in the Ladies room. In a stall."
"You guys didn't have a problem with that?" Martha asked.
"They were big stalls." Claire told her.
"I mean…" Martha threw her hands up. "Oh forget it."
"It was real nice not having any back and forth Macho bullshit to put up with for one night." Helen said.
"What are you looking at me for?" Martha asked.
"Because you can be worse than a guy sometimes." Helen said. "I haven't let a guy tell me to be quiet since I was 5 years old. And that was my Dad."
"Yeah." Claire chimed in.
"Excuse the hell out of me." Martha threw her hands up again. "I didn't tell anyone to shut up. I just said What does Claire know about Bitches."
"You called me a "peanut gallery"." Claire said.
Tina laughed as Martha put her forehead against the table and covered her head.
"You know you did." Helen added.
Tina rubbed Martha on the shoulder trying to rouse her morale I guess, "Hey You. You know they're right. I do it too. Me and you are always throwing our weight around. Us Sisters should pull together, not pick each other apart."
Martha looked up saying, "You're just working the girls for some Lezzie loving." But she was smiling when she said it. Kidding around. Even Mina managed a smile.
"Well, for your information smarty-pants, it wasn't all Lezzie loving that night." Helen said.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, some guy pinched Mina's ass and she clocked him." Claire said. "Knocked him flat on his ass with one punch. She's amazing. Drunk on her ass in 7-inch platform heels. The entire bar stood and cheered. After that the three of us got our pick of the litter of all the guys."
"The plot thickens." Tina said.
"Yeah," Helen said. "We went home in a limo compliments of the club with six of the dumbest beefcake hunks in the place."
"Mina laid down the law and they did whatever she wanted." Claire told them. "For all of us."
"My, my. And here you had us thinking you're all meek and mild." Tina said. "You've got this Domme thing down pat from the sound of it."
"We were just having fun." Mina said. "They wanted to do what I said. It was all normal stuff. Basically fucking and sucking. Except for the boy that pinched my ass. Surfer dude. I made him kiss the mark it made. Then I fucked him in the ass with a strap-on. It was fun."
"Listen, Kid." Tina said. "Girls as gorgeous as you should be getting whatever you want all the time. Believe me if you played your cards right you'd have those execs as Bitches as easy as you prepped this guy."
"Really?"
"Sure. First things first. We'll use this guy to get you used to treating all men like peons. Worse than peons. You gotta get used to violating their basic sense of worth. Violating their humanity. In a nice way, of course."
The whole table laughed.
I fainted.